Why I really don’t drink.

A lot of people don’t know I suffer from the effects of undiagnosed Lyme disease. I had it for about 3 years before doctors even discovered Lyme. They helped me with many weeks of antibiotics through Intervenous and saved me. Going so long not being properly diagnosed, in that much pain and confusion (the doctors even had me convinced I was faking it) still to this day has a lot of impact on my daily life. At the age of 15 I was told I could be on total disability for the rest of my life and was taking 23 pills 3 times a day to try to be able to function. At that time I said to myself enough of this I’m just going to work my ass off and do the best I can. I only get one chance at life, I might as well make the best of it. I turned to juicing, healthy diet, as much exercise as I could muster mister. I did feel better, I’ve never been 100% since I can remember. I’m happy with 60% on a good day. I still have the worst sleeping disorder, that always has effected school, work, and relationships (buttered couch cushions anyone?). My bones and joints always hurt. I have to really concentrate on everything to function adequately. My short term memory is almost non existent. If I’m given a task with more than one thing in the process I will undoubtedly forget something like breakfast potatoes. When I’m reminded of what I forgot, I remember what I forgot but have no clue why I didn’t remember. I have what can only be described as something similar to chronic fatigue. Constantly exsausted. I word search, call people by the wrong names, and can’t remember the words English Muffin sometimes. I can’t comprehend conversations at times and I can hardly ever convey what I am thinking. For those of you who know me from podcasting, there is a heavy edit to get me to say what I was trying to convey. I have no concept of time. At all. And I have an aversion to knowing the time/day because it makes it worse. There are audio stimuli that overwhelms me like for example buzzing fluorescent tubes. Yes these are all real symptoms I do have. I pass as healthy and normal as much as possible. I have always tried to, I think because after my time being homeschooled by a tutor when I did go back to school the other kids and some teachers were so cruel because they didn’t understand. They couldn’t understand why I took the short bus to school when I looked normal and only lived a mile away. With how bad my arthritis like symptoms were, a mile was too much to walk at that time. So I used self deprecating humor to try to avoid that as much as possible until I finally gave up on everything. I left that environment as soon as I legally could. Starting working at age 15 full time really helped me. I had a lot of support and made friends that I still have till this day. People who get to know me and my struggle usually are kind and sympathetic. Others think I’m a POS. I know I’m happy, I’m playing the cards I was dealt, I’ve made the best of a bad situation, and I have a few cards up my sleeve.

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